How To Cultivate Friendship Chemistry

I just stumbled upon this, apparently this study was done two years ago – but I think it’s fascinating!

Upon first meeting, these five factors are the best indicators of whether or not two people will have “friendship chemistry” upon a first meeting:

  • reciprocal candor
  • mutual interest
  • personableness
  • similarity
  • physical attraction

Also, participants with agreeable, open, and conscientious personalities more commonly report experiencing friendship chemistry.

What’s all that stuff mean?

Reciprocal candor relates to communication and self-disclosure.

Mutual interest relates to having similar interests and humor.

Personableness relates to reciprocal liking and kindness/sincerity

Similarity relates to having shared values and aspirations

Physical attraction contains items reflecting mutual attraction.

Agreeableness relates to those who have a great deal of interest. empathy, concern, and caring for others.

Conscientiousness relates to those who spend time preparing, pay attention to details, and finish tasks immediately.

Openness relates to being open to new things and challenges, and spending time reflecting on new concepts, and being open with your communication style.

Right!  So you want more random meets to result in more friendships?  Try some of these tips:

  1. Disclose personal details at a similar rate.  Don’t be afraid to take a risk, but don’t overwhelm.
  2. Find people with whom you have something in common to share.
  3. When you like someone, tell them!  At least, I do, I don’t know, works for me 🙂
  4. When in doubt, choose to be kind and sincere.
  5. Let your freak flag fly!  You have a weird interest or opinion?  Talk about it in a respectful way.  You might be surprised who resonates with you.
  6. Take care of yourself!  Shower, do your hair, wear flattering clothes that fit.  If it’s obvious you care about yourself and your image, others will assume there’s something there for them to care about also.
  7. Decide to care.  Yup.  It’s an energetic investment.  But it doesn’t cost anything to just say “I care” and give someone a bit of that emotional energy.  Just make sure you also engage in self-care as needed and don’t allow yourself to become too depleted.
  8. Don’t be a flake!  If you say you’ll go, be there, and on time.  If you say you’ll do something, do it.  People want to be able to count on you.  Show them they can.
  9. Try things out of your comfort zone.  Go to groups about something you barely know anything about but sounds fun.  If someone invites you out but you don’t feel like going?  Go anyway.  Ask big questions.  Talk to people you wouldn’t normally talk to, about stuff you wouldn’t normally talk about.

Friendships are key to happiness!  Good news:  with enough effort, can be cultivated. 🙂

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