I don’t have to prove anything to anybody.
This is seriously life-changing for me, especially on the dating scene. Because I’ve been feeling this weird pressure to ‘prove’ to people that I’m worth… something? To prove that I’m driven and ambitious, even though I don’t have a standard official career driven job anymore? To prove I have my shit together, even though my apartment has cheaper and worse furniture than I had 10 years ago, and I was driving a car 10 years newer? To prove I’m still attractive, even though I’ve gained 23 pounds?
I’m good enough for me, and that’s enough, and I have nothing to prove to anyone, except to myself. Because no one’s opinion matters more than mine.
Furthermore, I am good enough for all situations at all times. That doesn’t mean that I don’t fail or I’m perfect or don’t have weaknesses or that I’m good at everything. More, it means that it’s okay to fail and be not perfect and have weaknesses and suck at stuff sometimes. I’m still good enough in spite of all those things. And so are you.
Anyway, I haven’t been posting because I haven’t been inspired to do so. The reason for that is – I have been feeling a lot of self-pressure to put out something to monetize and something ‘commercial’ and something to be ‘packaged’ and it was seriously paralyzing. I was trying so hard to package and control the message that I was sending that I wasn’t sending a message at all.
I was doing this weird thing where I was forcing this blog to be more than it was, and I was forcing myself to write in a way that wasn’t really me, and basically trying to put the cart before the horse.
But the fact is that I am who I am, and that’s just a fact. I am me and I can’t be not me and I can’t be anyone else. And I can reach for and attempt to be someone I’m not yet, like a super star professional pro blogger whatever, but when I do that, my writing suffers in all objective ways of measurement. So I am who I am, and that’s okay. And that’s the perspective I’m going to write from. And that’s okay too. Because that perspective still has value just on its own merits.
So, for now, I’m just going to write, with my best of intentions, in the hopes that it just helps someone. And while I hope it helps you, and I am writing for you, I’ve realized that I can’t write just for you, I have to write for me too. So when I write now, it’s going to be for us both.
So that’s what I’m gonna do.
Have a great Holiday weekend 🙂