My dad came over a few days ago and he had a whole box of Oreos. Okay, not even Oreos, they were Trader Joe brand Peppermint flavored sandwich cookie deals.
Does the sun burn?
Is the pope catholic?
Is Emmanuel Sanders my favorite Broncos player?
Despite external appearances, I’m still a fat girl trapped in a not-as-fat body.
Yes I took the fucking cookies.
And I ate one. And it was good. Reaaaaally good. It was also 70 calories. And that’s when I knew. These were Dangerous cookies.
These were binge worthy cookies. Cookies that, if left unchecked, could be completely gone within about 24 hours. Cookies that I craved. Cookies that talked. They said, “You know how we taste. We taste soooo good” and “It doesn’t matter if you eat us, as long as it’s just one at a time.” and also “Even if you eat ALL of us, it’s only 1600 calories… that’s just one day’s worth of calories!”
I asked my roommate if he wanted any. He said no.
I’m baffled that two people in one day could honestly say that they just didn’t want the cookies. How can any person on earth not want the cookies?? They’re… my precious! And that’s when I knew. I seriously have a problem.
We decided desperate times call for desperate measures.
The cookies had to go. Because around these cookies, I had no self-control.
And at the last second, we decided to record it. Because I have no shame.
With Solidarity my friends,